Chuck Norris Facts

Gamecock · Post by **Gamecock** » Sun Feb 05, 2006 11:13 am

That website had me and some friends crying a couple weeks ago...Apparently it has made its rounds on the internet. Some of my favorites are....

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits..

gdavis5446 · Post by **gdavis5446** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:55 am

My favorite:

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

calexico · Post by **calexico** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:46 am

OK I give in, these are feckin' funny!

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

gdavis5446 · Post by **gdavis5446** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:22 am

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

vox_martin · Post by **vox_martin** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 6:34 pm

Hilarious!

espacially at 3am....!

Page 6 is my current favourite, a few good ones:
"Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors."

"There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris."

"Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper."

"Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives."

oh......u can probably read for yourselves......sry........thx for the link, my kind of humour.

thx & good night

dEvRoNiKa · Post by **dEvRoNiKa** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:07 pm

Brandon Bird's "Beard With Authority"

Hank Snow · Post by **Hank Snow** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:18 pm

coincidentally one of the only funny things I have seen on SNL lately was last week's "Young Chuck Norris".

Long Slow Fade · Post by **Long Slow Fade** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 1:54 pm

This is new and exciting!

calexico · Post by **calexico** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:22 pm

It says a lot when that is more entertaining than any of his movies!

keith21 · Post by **keith21** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 11:22 am

The original (though I'm not gonna deny Chuck Norris any respect due):

http://www.wwujd.com

RobUA03 · Post by **RobUA03** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 9:55 am

Who let the dogs out?...Chuck Norris let the dogs out and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

Amorican Jay · Post by **Amorican Jay** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 9:43 am

indeed FF1....

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

highlandcreek · Post by **highlandcreek** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:53 am

"Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down. "

Oh my gosh. I must find a way to work this into conversation today.

farrarfan1 · Post by **farrarfan1** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:42 am

Amorican Jay wrote:first period planning (hour and a half) on Fridays rules.

2 words. Saturday night.

Amorican Jay · Post by **Amorican Jay** » Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:15 am

That is a great one twitch...just wait until you get to page 9. There were only 6 pages a few days back.